Tonight is the solar eclipse. 

And I've been thinking about love, and the universe, and the first time someone saw the Moon block out the Sun. Steven Hawking says we created entire religions to describe such phenomenon, standing in the darkness, going blind looking into the thin ring of light in the sky. 

Last night I walked at midnight. The air was cool and damp, still wet from the morning rain. I walked up to a lamp post that I had sat under crying before. I remembered so many nights where I was alone, staring at my phone, and realizing I had no one--no one--I could call. 

(And I want to believe the lie you say without words. You made me think I'm not ugly, or uninteresting. You made me think the problems I wrap myself up in aren't petty or redundant. I want to believe you when you call me beautiful.

Those words are ghosts and you haunt me.

You haunt me through the day, night and day, night and day.)

And just as unlikely as this lie (the same lie I've been living in since my first crush in seventh grade).

Just as unlikely as that, I'm still waiting for you.

Hoping for you.

Megan and I used to climb onto my neighbor's roof. I was 13 and happy. I had sunburned cheeks and scars on my knees. I had her and she had me. We would sit under the stars talking for hours.

Tonight Diablo III came out, and it reminds me of so many nights in high school with my friends, crowded in a room full of laptops, staying awake until the sun was shining. There are so many memories. There are so many things we used to share.

I want someone to see me.

(The missing pieces, the pieces I gave to other people, the pieces people took from me.)

I want someone to see me and love me anyway.

 I'm missing.

(her)

(them)

(you)

 
 
 




( Art and therapy )

Before I got swamped with freelance work, I was drawing a couple of these fashion girls everyday. They are simple and cute! 
 

And because this is my blog, I'm going to do some outfit posts too! Shut up cell phone pictures shut up.

Yayyy fashion!

2012 is so fun for fashion already! I looooove it. If I could spend all my money on clothes and shoes, I would. But instead I had to pay billsl and take my cat Loki to the vet! It's expensive!

Here are some of the things I am excited for in 2012 fashion:

Pops of neon:


I'm so obsessed with this trend it is crazy. I especially love skinny belts in bright fucking yellow. 

Bright colors and color-blocking:


I would kill a man for an orange blazer. And who doesn't love color-blocked pumps like the ones above? I have a pair of Steve Maddens in red and fuchsia that make my heart swell.

Blush and lace:


The first dress pictured is over $300 but I am seriously considering buying it. I've been stalking it on the internet for ages. It is just so, so, so fucking beautiful. 

Mint, mustard, and midi-skirts:


There is something so cool about mint. It's the new color of the year, I must say! (Although mustard color will own my heart forever.) Every girl should have a few midi-skirts! They are the perfect length for literally any occasion. I'm obsessed (especially with the soft pleated one pictured above, guh!)

Pretty dresses (from behind):


I think a woman's back is so sexy. What is not to love about little dresses with cutout backs?!

Beachy, bold and badass:


One day I'll be a girl who lives on the beach, wears bright red or coral lipstick, and trudges around in motorcycle boots. I will be living the dream!

Tell me about your favorite colors, trends, stores, shoes, anything. I'm your girl for fashion prowling, trust me. Let's be fashion friends! And cry together about all the pretty things we can't afford :(

Recently I've been working with the Obama campaign in Utah.

It's always been discouraging being a democrat here. The only good Utah can do nationally is rallying to get more voters in Colorado, Nevada and Arizona. Still, I've been making images to help with presentations for volunteers, and starting to get designers and artists in our community excited about supporting us. I'm sort of gearing up to become the design lead to help with posters, t-shirts, bumper stickers, etc. It's going to be a lot of work, but I'm ready for it. Plus, we want lots of participation. If any of you want to get involved in your own local political organizations, I can help you figure out how :)

And let's just be honest... I need something to keep my mind off the fact that Sopes will be leaving in a month to Toei cho, Japan. Someone save me.

I'm not sure why I never posted about this here. A few months ago, I was selected as one of the 12 finalist in the Obama Art  Works 2011 Poster Contest. I submitted a couple designs on a whim, and one of them made it to the final round. I was honored and a bit bashful about it, which is maybe why I didn't ask any of you guys to vote for me. It was fun having Obama's office calling my cell phone though. It made me all sorts of giddy and stupid.

The voting already happened, and I wasn't selected as the winner. But it was still a lot of fun to be a part of. 

Here are some of the designs I submitted:





One more thing...

Random question: Have any of you guys been to Kentucky? Tell me what it's like.

I've been drawing a lot lately. Mostly with a mouse. Mostly in Photoshop. 

I have this story I've been writing since I was a teenager. It changes every five years or so, but the characters mostly stay the same. Here they are:


Shin: computer genius
Lucy: honest and reliable
Dag: smart ass
Mia:  reckless and violent
Chloe: sexual and self-destructive
Riley: stubborn tomboy
Sketch: quiet loner

And yeah, they are constantly hooking up with each other. All of them.

Right now, they live near the beach, attend fancy parties, and get involved in crazy conspiracies.



Maybe one day I'll really write something. Until then, I just like to draw. I've been experimenting with coloring styles. Lately I've been trying to cell-shade, but it's not easy with a mouse. 

I hope everyone is enjoying December. Hold onto 2011 as long as you can, because it'll be gone before you know it.

On Friday we had a Halloween partay.

I dressed up as a badass ninja turtle. Michelangelo, naturally.


Some other costumes at our party:
 
 
Yeah. That's a leather daddy whipping Quail Man from Doug. Also Sopes is Luigi!

Then my bestest pally Mags came over. She was Bellatrix. I drew the dark mark on her arm:


( Halloween, is the fear that I fight, in my dream. Keep running, keep running. )

This is something I've been thinking of posting for a while. It's from my journal in 2003, when I was 16 years old. In it, I run around pretending to have an antler, complain about having uniforms, obsess over a mysterious college boy, and get depressed about my best friend moving. It's long, so you don't have to read it. But it reminds me how real life was back then. I'm 8 years older now, but I sometimes feel like I'm living my life less. Do any of you feel that way?
 
Well, enjoy, if you want to.

 
March 1st 2003

6:10 p.m. 
 
School is the f-bomb and triple merde. 
 
See? I must resort to using another language to cuss because that is how merde it is. I don't even speak French which goes to show the lengths of my torture. 
 
School was basically just like "blah-di-blah" and then it was over. The only good thing today was track. And when I say track I really mean Maggie and I skipping track to run on our own. We had to hide in the girls' changing room until the coaches were gone so they wouldn't force us to do their work out. How sad is that? Very sad. We must hide from our coaches just so we can run on our own.
 
Haha.
 
We took it easy--laughing and walking when we wanted to. We ran up to the cemetery like usual and did a total of 10 slug bugs on the way there. Then we sat around under a tree next to the grave stones talking.
 
As we were lying out in the sun, Mags would NOT shut up about the stupid Sadie Hawkins Dance. I kept saying things like, "OH EM GEE THAT'S SO INTERESTING" but she didn't get it. She never gets it. I think my level of hatred for school dances has been brought to a whole new level after listening to her talk about it. Sometimes I think everything to do with high school is worthless, including me and all of the people in it. Does Mags really have to rub in the fact that she has a sort-of-boyfriend who is charming and hot and a good dancer and a good kisser and blah blah di fucking blah?
 
I had to remind myself that she is one of my only friends so I can't kill her.
 
I'm not kidding either. Petey and David asked me to be in their documentary about social outcasts. Jessie and I call it, "ARTcast: alone because the world won't understand my tortured soul oh woe onto me, etc." They asked me this months ago, but have yet to actually start filming it, which makes me wonder if they asked me to be interviewed just to be assholes. David especially. He still hasn't forgiven me for... well.
 
Anyway.
 
( Actually I wore it on my head like a giant one-horned antler. It was probably like 3 feet long. Every time I turned to talk to Maggie it would almost hit her in the face. )